What we need is a massive ASDA

asda-logo
Dear Lewisham Council,

I work for Deloitte, and I’d like you to let us build a massive ASDA right opposite the massive Sainsbury’s. The reasons you should do this are manifold:

1) It’s not an environmentally sensitive area. There aren’t lots of fancy trees and shit, so fuck it, right? A new ASDA is going to look really pretty.

2) It will “increase the choice and value of food shopping locally which, complemented by an enhanced range of smaller shops, cafés and services, will cater to the community’s everyday needs”. That’s right. Think about it for a minute. If we build a really big shop full of cheap stuff, loads of other small shops selling more expensive stuff will make loads of cash, right? Totes obvious.

3) What we really need are 230 new flats in the area. Because the trains aren’t crowded enough already in the mornings, amirite?

4) We’d also LOVE to build a car park for 420 cars. But don’t worry, the roads won’t get busier, or more polluted. They’re for MAGIC CARS.

5) If you could ask the local MP to write a lukewarm, slightly hand-wringing letter about this, and make sure the Environment Agency only frets about flooding, that’d be grand too.

6) If you reject our plan, we’ll just keep appealing with a few changes until you have no choice but to accept. If you lose an appeal, your council will have to pay hundreds of thousands in damages. If we lose an appeal – well… We made £840m in profit last year. We can afford to keep doing this. You can’t.

5 Comments

Filed under blackheath

5 responses to “What we need is a massive ASDA

  1. Kate B

    Wow, blistering form, Bugle! Will propagate.

  2. ELW

    So spot on it’s covered in dots.

  3. vincera61

    Get in, Bugle! Good to see some righteous anger on here. Quite right too.

  4. Lucy Lawrence

    What would you rather see there? They can’t leave it as it is. Maybe you should run a poll?

  5. FBI

    Good, great, some of us want Asda. Carry on, some of us residents have already written to the council planning department supporting the scheme. Because the area, at the moment, is the biggest dump in this part of London.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s