I took a train back to Blackheath last night after the office party.
I had drunk too much cooking lager, and got the hiccups. Not mild “hic” hiccups. These were horrible, loud, sea-lion-gasping-for-air hiccups, annoying everyone in the carriage. I tried everything, but they wouldn’t stop. I had to put my headphones on, to drown out the racket…
When the train got to Lewisham, a girl on the next row of seats turned around and gesticulated at me to remove the headphones. She said “Excuse me, do you want to come back to my place and have sex with me?”. I thought I misheard, so said “What?”, and she repeated it again.
Because I love Mrs Bugle very much, I of course said “No!”
Then, as she got off the train, she said “I thought that might get rid of your hiccups”.
And the weirdest thing is that it did. Not a single hiccup back to Blackheath!
So the cure for hiccups: an inappropriate request from a total stranger on a packed train!