SouthEastern Trains make their sorry excuses

SouthEastern Train Revised Timetable at Lewisham Station during the snow

As pointed out by @AdamBienkov, SouthEastern have provided an explanation of why they ran such a poor service during the inch or so of snow that fell last month in the South East.  I’ve tried to convert it into text, but the hopelessly blurry, badly scanned PDF file provided at the website made it even less comprehensible.

Here’s a quick summary, if you haven’t got time to read the real thing:

Why did you run a revised timetable, finished at 8.30pm throughout the piddling quantity of snow that fell?

We realised that we’d have to pay lots of money out to our customers for our lousy service, unless we under-promised and over delivered, so rather than try to put on as many trains as possible, we figured out that we could stick up some dirty A4 sheets of laser-printed Times Roman warnings, and this would allow us to wriggle out of our obligations – like this one!

Why won’t you be offering refunds to season ticket holders?

Because they’re a bunch of mugs!  Why on earth should we?!  They pay £1000 a year, and we don’t even have to give them a seat on our cattle trucks!*  Are you high?  If we started giving them their money back, we wouldn’t be able to make £61.5 million in profits!

Now that we live in the age of the internet, maybe you could make it easier for your customers to request compensation?

Yeeeassss… That’s a greeeat idea… Maybe we’ll make a little iPhone app for each of our customers?  And you can click on Charles Horton’s beaming face every time you get squeezed into a carriage, and sit waiting at London Bridge for 20 minutes on  a Monday morning?  That’d work.  If it’s all the same with you, we’ll stick with arcane system we have right now, thanks.

See also:

All aboard the Gravy Train for Network Rail Bosses

* Cattle trucks = “franchises focused on high density, urban commuter markets.”


Filed under blackheath, snow, transport

3 responses to “SouthEastern Trains make their sorry excuses

  1. R. G. Land

    I am sure that all the time it took to compile this 11 page reply, it would have been more useful had the Author , got out there , and shovelled snow off the railway lines.

  2. Pingback: TfL’s boss attacks Southeastern « 853

  3. SouthEast Trains’ lame excuses department has been working overtime. Here are their reasons for permanently closing the exit from Platform 4 at Lewisham Station, as has now happened.

    According to them, “The exit leads directly out to a busy road and there have been a number of near misses with pedestrians and passing cars. The exit also had a history of attracting anti-social behaviour and given that all entrances to the station were gated, encouraged ticketless travel and fare evasion.”

    As anyone who has ever used that exit will know, it emerges onto a quiet footpath which in turn takes you directly to the zebra crossing in Lewisham Road, or the rear entrance to Tesco’s, and/or the new housing at Silk Mills Path. The exit is both popular and safe. SE Trains are either fabricating tales of near misses with passing cars or they are confusing Lewisham with some other station.

    If anti-social behaviour has actually been occurring around the Platform 4 exit, there certainly wouldn’t have been anyone from SE Trains around to witness it. All gates are open and unmanned by late evening.

    There’s an excellent website – – which anyone wishing to persuade SE Trains to change its mind might consider joining.

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